Today I have a less revealing secret to share, which only requires that my audience not to talk to my boss. I am hoping to move back to Canada, and have been searching for a job in the Toronto area for about 9 months. For those who don't know, my family moved to Maryland from Ontario about 14 years ago. In 2006 we became American citizens. But the thing is, that despite how blessed I have been living and working here, I want to go back to the homeland.
The process to be eligible to work in Canada as a social worker has not been too difficult, though it has been expensive. I have spent over $600 in less than a year to maintain registration with the Ontario College of Social Workers and Social Service Workers (OCSWSSW - catchy huh?) so that I can obtain employment in Ontario. I have been registered since April 2011, and I have been applying for jobs fairly regularly since then. I easily applied to 50 jobs. I have not heard back from one single job in that time, which is ridiculously discouraging.
So here is where things get tricky; is the lack of response from the good people of Canada God's way of saying he does not want me to move back to Canada, or is this simply another one of those really cool tests of faith being placed in my path? God's will is annoyingly tough to figure out.
My reasons for moving back are pretty extensive. First of all, if I am going to do it, I should be single when it happens, since in my experience, most American guys are not so keen on moving to Canada. They do like to quote the "Blame Canada" episode of South Park though. So, currently I am STILL single (there is a whole bunch of blogs on that topic in my future) and now is a good time to make such a life-altering move. In addition, I miss the culture there, the people and the pace of life. When I was in Barrie, Ont for a wedding a few years ago, I was overwhelmed by how happy I was surrounded by other Canadians, it felt perfect. As I drove home to MD from that trip, I kept feeling like I was leaving my home.
The overwhelming reason to try and return to Canada has a lot to do with my work, and what I do for a living. I like to help people. I'm trained to help people, and I am pretty good at it too. But in the US we have this broken health care system which is a significant barrier to me being able to help people the way I want to. In addition, the health care system here makes things worse for people who are already struggling, and I have no way to fix that. I'm a "fixer." It's in my nature to solve the problems of other people, and I can't fix this. I work with patients every day who have to make choices between a roof over their head or health care and I am tired of it. Let me be clear, Canada does not have a perfect system either, but it is a stronger, more cohesive system where everyone is in and no one is left out. Basic health care is a guarantee in Canada, which means as a social worker, I will get to spend more time doing what I love - helping people, and less time trying to figure out how to pay for it.
I think that the thing that is abundantly clear when you are trying to make a change in your life, is that we generally do not have as much control over that change as we want to. Not only that, but once we decide we want to do something, it is exceptionally easy to get all wrapped up in our own plans, and assume that because our plans are so big and wonderful, it must be what God wants for us.
Matthew 10:39 The Message
If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me.
I'm already on to the idea that if I try and make this change in my own wisdom, I am likely to fail. But obedience is a difficult behavior to master, and even when I am trying to look to Him for the right path, I sometimes get caught up in myself, and lose my focus.
James 1:5-7 The Message
If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought.
When it comes to moving back to Canada, I am asking God for help, and I believe I have counted the cost. It will mean leaving my incredible family, and being a significant distance away from their loving shelter. It will involve leaving some incredible friends behind. There will be new and challenging things to learn since I have never worked in Canada before. It will certainly mean a time of isolation while I settle in; before I have made new connections. And possibly most distressing of all; it will mean giving up soft shell crab, because believe me, Ontario has no idea how to made a decent crab cake...
In many ways it is kind of crazy to take such an unnecessary step. Why change everything when I don't have to? The truth is, I have been feeling like I "have to" for a while now. I think everything needs to change. I am restless and feel this burden to step outside my comfort zone. So I have my big beautiful plan, but I am wise to the fact that God sometimes uses "MY" plan to unfold HIS plan. So, I am also on the lookout for a reason to stay; just in case.
I still think God's will pretty tough to figure out, but I know I will not see it unfold in my life unless I am looking to Him. There are times when we think we have figured out what God wants, and then everything changes and we are left wondering why we went down that path. When I was depressed, trying to figure out God's will was particularly irritating - why would God want me to be so sad? What could he have been going for there?
1 Peter 4:12-13 The Message
Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.
There is a plan. We are a part of that plan. To understand that plan always be looking to Him. You are not alone, he didn't start working and then just get bored in the middle. He is carrying the plan to completion (Philippians 1:6) whether we can see it or not. And GLORY is just around the corner.
Thank God for that!
L
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