Going Naked

Talking about my big bad secrets has been both terrifying and liberating. I really don't think God means for us to keep secrets like those, I suspect he would prefer we shine a light on all our struggles so that others can help us through it. Hiding things is clearly a human condition.
Genesis 2:25 The Message
The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.

Genesis 3:7-10 The Message
Immediately the two of them did "see what's really going on"—saw themselves naked! They sewed fig leaves together as makeshift clothes for themselves.
When they heard the sound of God strolling in the garden in the evening breeze, the Man and his Wife hid in the trees of the garden, hid from God.
God called to the Man: "Where are you?"
He said, "I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked. And I hid."

That's really not what God was going for. He was planning on having his people live in freedom, without shame. But we pretty much messed that up, and now we keep secrets all the time. During my struggles, I wrote the following poem. (For the record, I am of the mindset that poetry is only interesting to the person who writes it, but give it a chance here, I promise to read your melancholy poem sometime if you like.)

Illusions of Me

My eyes look up to the glass

Paned reflections of my past
Face not reveling former defeat
When wistful image and heart meet

I smile so hidden thoughts won’t speak
Through this secret frown I keep
And hope this mask of mine not transparent
Displays the light heart that I just can’t

I let the outside become who I am
To friends whose blindness won’t understand
Completely accepting of what they see
Their illusions perceive a different me

I become the illusion they demand
Conform to this myth but unable to stand
A weak spirit, cancerous to my hope
Lames my joys and I cannot cope

I lose focus of the hand before my eye

Complacency attacks my will to try
Disbelief simple faith will fill the hole
That this remedy of grace will soothe the soul

I clasp my hands in fingered knot
Driving away depression demons I’ve fought
Letting each failure fall with each damp tear
Puddles of sin defeat and pain lie here

I open up an imprisoned heart to be free
Receive a flood of grace so heavenly
Forgiveness covering once permanent dismay
Finding renewal in a brand new day


When you have a secret like depression, alcoholism, pornography addiction, self injury, drug abuse, sexual assault, disordered eating, gambling, or any one of hundreds of other issues, you are not about to tell droves of people about how you are experiencing something totally outside God's plan; that you are actually naked under all those clothes (read: lies.)

And here's the kicker, of all the people that we hide from, the church tends to be number one. Christians are good people, they are just trying to do the right thing, but they have a habit of being a little high and mighty about some things. I always think about the Casting Crowns song, "Does Anybody Hear Her?"

"If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her"

I have totally been one of those lofty people. That's another human condition. Thinking that our sin is not as bad as another sin. God has been pretty clear about that one; sin is sin. There are no "degrees of sin." And yet, among Christians, sometimes we assign those degrees in our heads, and judge accordingly. This is not a great move on our part since if there is one theme in the Bible it's that ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23). We all need grace.

What would our churches be like if we revealed our secrets? What would they be like if we confessed our sin to each other as well as God? Well it would probably be a hot mess there for a while since knowing all those secrets would probably overwhelm us, but ultimately the idea of the church being the safest place to tell your secret is I'm pretty sure what God has been hoping for all along.

When I was struggling I did not have any interest in seeing a Christian counselor. I was afraid, and ashamed of what I was going through, and I was pretty sure a Christian therapist would tell me to confess and just pray it out. (Which is of course, not how they practice, but I didn't know that at the time). Since I had already tried the confessing and praying thing, I knew I was gonna need more help than that. I also avoided talking to people in the church about what I was going through for the same reason.

I fully believe we would blow the roof off our churches if we trusted the power of living in truth. Sure, I'm being idealistic, but if you can't be idealistic about radical revival in the church, there's really very little point in being a Christian at all. Because here's the thing - God wants radical change in his people. He does not want us to hide from him or each other. I wish I had a better grasp on that when I was busy keeping secrets.

Anyway, my big point here, is that no one is exempt from having secrets, because we all do. The question is, can we learn to trust each other more, and help each other attain the freedom that comes from living in the Light. I say, lose the fig leaves, just go naked.


L