You know, it probably goes without saying, but life is tricky. And being a Christian does not always make it easier.
Recently, I have found myself trying very hard to understand God's will, his plan, his purpose. And since I'm not God, and He is irritatingly silent in revealing his plans on my schedule, I have also found myself feeling as though I must be the problem.
I mean, if we believe in a God who is able to do immeasurably MORE than all we ask, but then he doesn't do more, and sometimes seems to do practically nothing, how do we reconcile the reasons that God seems silent?
It must be me.
It must be that I am not prayerful enough, that I am not humble enough, that I don't speak His name enough, that I don't go to church enough, or that I don't read the Word enough. We know that we should do these good Christian things, but we're human and therefore hopelessly inadequate at doing all the things that we believe God would want from us before he can pour out his blessings. We come to God, and we ASK for great things, but quite frankly, we know we're not worthy, so when our heavenly Santa Claus puts us on the "Naughty List" we are not all that surprised. We're not happy about it, but we make our peace with disappointment because we must not be "doing" enough to earn God's favor.
But that's the point. We are NOT WORTHY! But that's not news to God. It has always been his plan for us to be unable to attain favor through any other means than by receiving his love and mercy.
Galatians 3
2-4 Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God’s Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren’t smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it?
When we became believers we didn't do so by working for it, we became believers simply by accepting what God wanted to give. So why then, as we mature as Christians do we forget that we were always meant to receive, and that our works will not determine whether or not we get what we want. That while we may mean well with our adherence to a bunch of religious rules this legalism is not likely to result in our desired outcome.
We may think we know better. We think "Ok God, I want something, but I know I'm not actually worthy of your blessings so I am going to contribute to this equation to help you out. I'm going to pray every day to show you that I'm helping. You know; Jesus, plus me, equals success!"
Yeah, about that... it just doesn't work that way.
9-10 So those now who live by faith are blessed along with Abraham, who lived by faith—this is no new doctrine! And that means that anyone who tries to live by his own effort, independent of God, is doomed to failure.
We will fail if we rely on legalism or moralist rules. WE CAN'T EARN HIS FAVOR - we already have it! There is nothing wrong with praying, reading the Word, going to church, those are wonderful things, but they are a product of God's presence in our life, not something that will help God bless us.
11-12 The obvious impossibility of carrying out such a moral program should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way. The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you.
Just like when we first accepted Christ into our lives, we EMBRACED what God had for us, offered no promises, no works, no rule-keeping; we just received. We were good with whatever God had for us, and that deepened our faith in Him. "Hey God, I'm pretty much a mess. I'm not gonna be able to do this alone. I need you in my life, forever. Can you please help me out?" We brought nothing but a little bit of faith to the equation of salvation but oh, how we received!
13 Christ redeemed us from that self-defeating, cursed life by absorbing it completely into himself.
21-22 If such is the case, is the law, then, an anti-promise, a negation of God’s will for us? Not at all. Its purpose was to make obvious to everyone that we are, in ourselves, out of right relationship with God, and therefore to show us the futility of devising some religious system for getting by our own efforts what we can only get by waiting in faith for God to complete his promise. For if any kind of rule-keeping had power to create life in us, we would certainly have gotten it by this time.
If rule-keeping made us better Christians, if it deepened our faith, or somehow helped God do his work, then we would have figured out the perfect plan for getting what we want from God every time.
We can't do it. I can't do it. I can't "help" God get me what I want. I am called to receive what is given when it is given. And as I receive, then will I pray. Then will I serve, because in receiving, we are reminded that we are REDEEMED, that we have been made whole and perfect by his love.
We don't earn it, we can't make it happen.
God called me to try yet another new church this weekend, even though I have been exhausted by the search for a church home. I have been discouraged. I have been mad. I have been blaming myself for not being a good enough Christian to have found a church home by now. And I have been thinking that the reason I'm not getting what I want when I pray is maybe because I am not "trying hard enough" to follow the rules; Pray. Read the Bible. Go to Church. I have told myself that God is being silent because I am not good enough.
This weekend, at a new church, the pastor spoke about this very topic. I was reminded that none of us are good enough. We don't earn salvation. We don't earn favor. We can't work towards blessings. We receive His love as we did on Day One of our new lives, and then miraculously, wonderfully God responds. He is always calling us to just receive, and in receiving then and only then will we enter the fullness of his plan for us.
"Jesus, plus Nothing, equals Everything."
- L
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Good Life
I am holding on to this song tonight.
It has been a tough few weeks for myself and my family.
As we finished celebrating Christmas, and I steadied myself for another handful of days of work before the New Year, my mom sent me a worrisome, but hopeful text:
"Grandma is in the hospital with a respiratory issue, but she should be home in a few days."
I wasn't worried. Grandma had several medical incidents over the last two years. She is a fiece and resilient lady who survived the atrocities of World War II. She ccould certainly overcome a little shortness of breath.
While I was at work the next day, I received a phone call from a close friend of my grandparents. I was standing outside the room of a woman who was actively dying, and I was preparing to go into the room to console and support her overwhelmed daughter. But when I received three missed calls from Ontario, it occurred to me that it was me, who may need support. I was then informed that my Grandmother was on a ventilator, and that her prognosis was poor. Despite the agony of saying goodbye, my Grandpa would allow them to remove the vent in the next 48 hours so that my Grandmother could pass away peacefully, with dignity. The call was to provide an update and urge me to visit now if I wanted to say goodbye.
I didn't cry.
I couldn't cry while I was literally standing in the midst of those very same decisions happening all around me. I am supposed to be able to deal with hard choices, loss, grief and bereavement. I'm the one who can help guide others with those mess emotions. There is no space for me to feel those feelings here.
In the following two days, Grandma rallied (she's got what she calls "tough East Prussian blood" in her.) And while she did come off the vent, she was now trapped on Bilevel Positive Airway Pressure or BiPap, which is a rather uncomfortable full face mask that pushes air to your mouth and nose. I say "trapped" because it is almost impossible to talk with air pushing at your face, and you can't really eat with it either. With the BiPap in place, she was awake but not particularly comfortable.
And I couldn't see her. I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't ask the doctors the millions of questions on my mind. I was over 500 miles away from her side and I couldn't do anything except wait.
I stink at waiting.
I was overwhelmed, anxious, moody, grouchy and completely on edge. Never knowing when the phone would ring. Wondering if I would get bad news, and then quickly have to coordinate an impromptu trip to Ontario... in JANUARY, when it SNOWS. Wishing I could hold her hand and offer her words of comfort that I am able to freely give to so many of my patients and their families. Feeling profoundly helpless. Feeling angry that I couldn't control any part of what was happening. Worrying that she was suffering.
I almost came unglued in those two weeks of uncertainty. All that I have done to break through old patterns of coping with anxiety and sadness, this was a grueling test of my own resiliency. I'd love to say I took it in stride, called out to God for help, and laid my worries at his feet... I mean, that's what I'm supposed to be able to say, because I'm a Christian, (and a professional therapist) and I KNOW what I'm supposed to do in a crisis. I admit, I forgot that when we suffer, we are NOT ALONE, and our Father is waiting for us to call out to Him.
Psalm 34:17-18 (The Message)
Is anyone crying for help? God is listening,ready to rescue you.
If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.
On Sunday, January 9th I was laying low, worried, and not wanting to do much of anything. So I decided to watch our small collection of home movies. There are just a few, from a handful of years when my Grandpa had a camcorder and they were exclusively shots with my Grandma & Grandpa, my parents and my sister. But every one of those videos is this precious time capsule, that captured my family for a moment in time. So that, by the time I finished all the videos, I felt like I had spent the day with my family; and with my Grandma. And as the last video ended and I wondered what to watch next, the phone rang...
She died that evening, peacefully on January 9th, 2016 just three days shy of her 90th birthday.
I was honored to be asked by my Grandpa to deliver a eulogy for my Grandma:
I am honored to stand here today as we say goodbye to my wonderful Grandma, Ursula Irma Krakau Frisch.
In the days since Grandma stepped into the beautiful beyond I find myself hearing her words in my head. Her constant insights and advice to me through the years:
“Just Live Your Life Lindsay”
“Don’t rush it.”
“Enjoy being young.”
“You’ve got a good life.”
My Grandmother’s early life was not particularly easy or enjoyable. In fact there were parts of it that were profoundly hard. She lived through World War II, and saw her mother die and her father be forever changed by war. She and her sister, Kika escaped to West Germany and survived by good fortune and what she has always referred to as “Strong East Prussian blood”. She found a new future in Canada and started building a new life. But then endured a broken marriage and divorce before her beloved son, Victor was even two years old.
But through these trials, she developed remarkable resiliency. She learned how to be an incredible single mom with tenacity and grace in a time where she had very few peers to help guide her. She worked, she paid bills, she advocated for herself. She balanced work and motherhood and even figured out how to make sure she had fashionable clothes season to season. She was creative, persistent and unwavering her fight for a happy ending. And when she was ready, she opened her heart and let love come to her. She rebuilt herself a family when she said “yes” to spending the rest of her life with my Grandfather, Reiner.
As Grandma’s family grew, the addition of grandchildren to her life seems to have been quite possibly one of her greatest joys (if I do say so myself!)
She has loved my sister, Erin and I abundantly. She showered us with hugs, kisses, and gifts. She rarely said “no” and indulged our wild imaginations, wishes and games. She instituted a family rule “That when one has a birthday the other gets something too” Forever ensuring that celebrating your sister’s birthday wasn’t so bad and can even be fun, when there’s something in it for you! From encouraging our ginger ale & pound cake tea parties to supplying a basket full of chocolates and an unearned $5 “allowance” at every visit, to donating carrots for our defective rabbit-traps – she embraced the endearing chaos of two rambunctious grandchildren.
On the day that she died, I had decided to watch our small collection of family movies. I watched her laugh, fuss over dinner, share hugs with her family, give gifts, worry that the size of the Christmas sweater was right, and genuinely delight in the marvelous family she helped create. In one moment, in giving a card to my sister on her 10th birthday I heard her say (off camera since she preferred not to be filmed if possible!)
“From all our hearts, Erin that your future is nothing but bright.”
It never occurred to her that we couldn’t attain exactly what we set out to have. She believed in a magical future for all of us. A future unburdened by war, death, despair, divorce, and uncertainty; she knew the secret that I am only now uncovering – when we cherish what we have, we can have it ALL.
She wanted us to find the joy the way she had; even if it takes tremendous work. She wanted us to live in such a way that we savored the beauty of each moment, so that maybe, just maybe we could slow down time, and just rest in the safety and peace of something happy. Because being happy is precious indeed.
As we reflect on all Grandma shared with and taught us, and as we say goodbye, I am so thankful that I was able to introduce her to my husband, Aaron. That she was able to see that I am on my way to the big, bright, stunning life I know she believed I would have.
I am profoundly grateful to have been her granddaughter and to have her wise and loving words; “You have a Good Life” written on my heart.
L
My Help is from You
It has been a tough few weeks for myself and my family.
As we finished celebrating Christmas, and I steadied myself for another handful of days of work before the New Year, my mom sent me a worrisome, but hopeful text:
"Grandma is in the hospital with a respiratory issue, but she should be home in a few days."
I wasn't worried. Grandma had several medical incidents over the last two years. She is a fiece and resilient lady who survived the atrocities of World War II. She ccould certainly overcome a little shortness of breath.
While I was at work the next day, I received a phone call from a close friend of my grandparents. I was standing outside the room of a woman who was actively dying, and I was preparing to go into the room to console and support her overwhelmed daughter. But when I received three missed calls from Ontario, it occurred to me that it was me, who may need support. I was then informed that my Grandmother was on a ventilator, and that her prognosis was poor. Despite the agony of saying goodbye, my Grandpa would allow them to remove the vent in the next 48 hours so that my Grandmother could pass away peacefully, with dignity. The call was to provide an update and urge me to visit now if I wanted to say goodbye.
I didn't cry.
I couldn't cry while I was literally standing in the midst of those very same decisions happening all around me. I am supposed to be able to deal with hard choices, loss, grief and bereavement. I'm the one who can help guide others with those mess emotions. There is no space for me to feel those feelings here.
In the following two days, Grandma rallied (she's got what she calls "tough East Prussian blood" in her.) And while she did come off the vent, she was now trapped on Bilevel Positive Airway Pressure or BiPap, which is a rather uncomfortable full face mask that pushes air to your mouth and nose. I say "trapped" because it is almost impossible to talk with air pushing at your face, and you can't really eat with it either. With the BiPap in place, she was awake but not particularly comfortable.
And I couldn't see her. I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't ask the doctors the millions of questions on my mind. I was over 500 miles away from her side and I couldn't do anything except wait.
I stink at waiting.
I was overwhelmed, anxious, moody, grouchy and completely on edge. Never knowing when the phone would ring. Wondering if I would get bad news, and then quickly have to coordinate an impromptu trip to Ontario... in JANUARY, when it SNOWS. Wishing I could hold her hand and offer her words of comfort that I am able to freely give to so many of my patients and their families. Feeling profoundly helpless. Feeling angry that I couldn't control any part of what was happening. Worrying that she was suffering.
I almost came unglued in those two weeks of uncertainty. All that I have done to break through old patterns of coping with anxiety and sadness, this was a grueling test of my own resiliency. I'd love to say I took it in stride, called out to God for help, and laid my worries at his feet... I mean, that's what I'm supposed to be able to say, because I'm a Christian, (and a professional therapist) and I KNOW what I'm supposed to do in a crisis. I admit, I forgot that when we suffer, we are NOT ALONE, and our Father is waiting for us to call out to Him.
Psalm 34:17-18 (The Message)
Is anyone crying for help? God is listening,ready to rescue you.
If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.
On Sunday, January 9th I was laying low, worried, and not wanting to do much of anything. So I decided to watch our small collection of home movies. There are just a few, from a handful of years when my Grandpa had a camcorder and they were exclusively shots with my Grandma & Grandpa, my parents and my sister. But every one of those videos is this precious time capsule, that captured my family for a moment in time. So that, by the time I finished all the videos, I felt like I had spent the day with my family; and with my Grandma. And as the last video ended and I wondered what to watch next, the phone rang...
She died that evening, peacefully on January 9th, 2016 just three days shy of her 90th birthday.
I was honored to be asked by my Grandpa to deliver a eulogy for my Grandma:
I am honored to stand here today as we say goodbye to my wonderful Grandma, Ursula Irma Krakau Frisch.
In the days since Grandma stepped into the beautiful beyond I find myself hearing her words in my head. Her constant insights and advice to me through the years:
“Just Live Your Life Lindsay”
“Don’t rush it.”
“Enjoy being young.”
“You’ve got a good life.”
My Grandmother’s early life was not particularly easy or enjoyable. In fact there were parts of it that were profoundly hard. She lived through World War II, and saw her mother die and her father be forever changed by war. She and her sister, Kika escaped to West Germany and survived by good fortune and what she has always referred to as “Strong East Prussian blood”. She found a new future in Canada and started building a new life. But then endured a broken marriage and divorce before her beloved son, Victor was even two years old.
But through these trials, she developed remarkable resiliency. She learned how to be an incredible single mom with tenacity and grace in a time where she had very few peers to help guide her. She worked, she paid bills, she advocated for herself. She balanced work and motherhood and even figured out how to make sure she had fashionable clothes season to season. She was creative, persistent and unwavering her fight for a happy ending. And when she was ready, she opened her heart and let love come to her. She rebuilt herself a family when she said “yes” to spending the rest of her life with my Grandfather, Reiner.
As Grandma’s family grew, the addition of grandchildren to her life seems to have been quite possibly one of her greatest joys (if I do say so myself!)
She has loved my sister, Erin and I abundantly. She showered us with hugs, kisses, and gifts. She rarely said “no” and indulged our wild imaginations, wishes and games. She instituted a family rule “That when one has a birthday the other gets something too” Forever ensuring that celebrating your sister’s birthday wasn’t so bad and can even be fun, when there’s something in it for you! From encouraging our ginger ale & pound cake tea parties to supplying a basket full of chocolates and an unearned $5 “allowance” at every visit, to donating carrots for our defective rabbit-traps – she embraced the endearing chaos of two rambunctious grandchildren.
On the day that she died, I had decided to watch our small collection of family movies. I watched her laugh, fuss over dinner, share hugs with her family, give gifts, worry that the size of the Christmas sweater was right, and genuinely delight in the marvelous family she helped create. In one moment, in giving a card to my sister on her 10th birthday I heard her say (off camera since she preferred not to be filmed if possible!)
“From all our hearts, Erin that your future is nothing but bright.”
It never occurred to her that we couldn’t attain exactly what we set out to have. She believed in a magical future for all of us. A future unburdened by war, death, despair, divorce, and uncertainty; she knew the secret that I am only now uncovering – when we cherish what we have, we can have it ALL.
She wanted us to find the joy the way she had; even if it takes tremendous work. She wanted us to live in such a way that we savored the beauty of each moment, so that maybe, just maybe we could slow down time, and just rest in the safety and peace of something happy. Because being happy is precious indeed.
As we reflect on all Grandma shared with and taught us, and as we say goodbye, I am so thankful that I was able to introduce her to my husband, Aaron. That she was able to see that I am on my way to the big, bright, stunning life I know she believed I would have.
I am profoundly grateful to have been her granddaughter and to have her wise and loving words; “You have a Good Life” written on my heart.
L
My Help is from You
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Holy Spirit
So. Christians sometimes process the world a little differently than the general public.
I say this, because what I want to talk about may be foreign to folks who are not familiar with, or big believers in, the concept of the Holy Spirit. Most everyone will accept the idea that we, as humans are spiritual beings, searching for purpose and meaning from internal and external sources. But not everyone understands this business of the Holy Spirit (or Holy Ghost as folks used to call it before we all started to feel a little uncomfortable with referring to God as a "Ghost" on par with the likes of Casper, the friendly...)
When born-again Christians talk about the Holy Spirit, they are referring to an aspect of the Trinity. The Holy Spirit is the third piece of a simple, and yet complex holy power-sqaud that makes up our spiritual Avengers team. This dream team is comprised of Father God, creator of the Earth and the Heavens. He was the one sitting up in the Heavens, before there was anything else, who decided to take on one, massive endeavor, and build a universe including the likes of man and woman. Part two of the spiritual God-squad is The son of God, Jesus Christ who was our Father God in the flesh. Jesus was the method by which God descended from his heavenly throne, to walk the Earth with the people he created, and free his people from their slavery and sin by dying in the most brutal and sacrificial way imaginable. The Holy Spirit basically becomes the method by which we connect to Father God and our Savior, the Son of God. The Holy Spirit is the way by which God communicates with us. I tend to think of Him as the Still Small Voice, the Guidepost, the Communicator. And in a delightful acknowledgement of God leading his people to Him, Christianity is not the only religion that acknowledges the Holy Spirit; Judaism, Islam and even Baha'i Faith acknowledge the Holy Spirit, (though not all buy into the concept of the Trinity).
For Christians, Jesus addressed the role of The Holy Spirit by identifying him as a friend:
John 14:15-17 (The Message)
“If you love me, show it by doing what I’ve told you. I will talk to the Father, and he’ll provide you another Friend so that you will always have someone with you. This Friend is the Spirit of Truth. The godless world can’t take him in because it doesn’t have eyes to see him, doesn’t know what to look for. But you know him already because he has been staying with you, and will even be in you!
So the Holy Spirit is IN us!
We are absolutely not alone. I feel pretty lucky that in my life, I have literally been able to witness the Holy Spirit at work in a tangible, visual way. But if you have ever felt a path, a plan, or reassurance of a choice brewing within you, and a wisdom beyond your own, chances are you have felt the work of the Holy Spirit.
I set the stage, and described (to the best of my humble ability) some identifiers of the Holy Spirit because it can be complicated to understand. But in MY life, I have personally felt the Spirit work. There is FRUIT in my life brought forth by communication with the Holy Spirit. I have been led to victory and protected from harm. I have felt a wisdom far beyond my humanness and had the fortune of making choices based on more than just a gut-check, but a conversation with my Spiritual compass.
So why all this emphasis on the Holy Spirit? Well, I happen to think that the Christian communion with the Holy Spirit makes us a pretty unique bunch of believers. We make BIG decisions based on guidance we receive from an unseen adviser, so we sometimes say or do things that make almost no sense to "outsiders". For this reason, we are not always very forthcoming about the depth of our relationship with the Holy Spirit.
But we should be forthcoming! We should emphasize the complete awesomeness of The Still Small Voice that leads us. It happens to be something so powerful it makes people truly wonder if this "Christianity thing" might just be the REAL DEAL.
One day, as I was talking to my then-boyfriend (now husband) about a difficult situation in my life, I started ranting about all the things God and I had been talking about and how I was feeling "led". He was quiet for a while, unsure of how to respond to my faith-filled stream of consciousness. He then said something unexpected; that when I spoke this way it sometimes made him feel somewhat in awe of my intimacy with God because, he said, "You really BELIEVE." He knew I was a Christian. From our first meeting we had spoken about our religious differences numerous times. But something about me talking about my colloquial relationship with my Heavenly Father struck him as beyond "just" being religious, but as a true BELIEVER.
Our personal relationship with God, our reliance on our Friend, the Holy Spirit, makes us uniquely equipped for navigating the mysteries in life. So in my life, when I am looking for guidance, I pray, I seek God, and when I start to feel a nudge, I try to open myself to the Holy Spirit so that I am LED to the right path.
When I started dating my husband I was super confused. For my whole life, I had been taught to look for a man who shared my beliefs. I had been taught to look for a Christian. Despite years of trying to find a nice, Christian boy, I couldn't seem to scrounge one up. And then a nice, Jewish boy came into my life instead. I was perplexed! He was NOT what I was looking for, and yet, almost immediately, he was exactly what I needed. I kept praying, assuming that God must have this one wrong, that the Spirit would lead me to the conclusion that a Jewish man was not the right thing for me.
But The Spirit did not answer the way I expected.
1 Corinthians 2:10-13 (The Message)
The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. Who ever knows what you’re thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that he not only knows what he’s thinking, but he lets us in on it. God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that he is giving us. We don’t have to rely on the world’s guesses and opinions.
As I prayed, as I "checked in" with God on this confusing matter of falling in love with a Jewish man, I never felt it was wrong. I didn't see a "Warning" sign, there were no "Red Flags" or "Danger Ahead" spiritual billboards. It seemed more like there was an unexpected, open door in front of me. There was a lot of unknown through that door, and in my humanity I worried that this path would be harder than I wanted it to be. But you know, when God calls you, when you feel that tug of the Holy Spirit to step out in faith, it's nearly impossible to ignore it.
The fear of missing out (FOMO) on what God had ordained for my life, the plan that was BIGGER than my tiny expectations, made me press forward towards that door, into the glorious beyond. But these steps, into a future, most unexpected are not always easy, and this is when I need the Holy Spirit to pour into my life, to help me "dive into the depths."
So I surrender. I make myself available to the guidance of the Spirit and I hold fast to the promise of God's plan being woven through my faith in Him.
When I started dating my husband I was super confused. For my whole life, I had been taught to look for a man who shared my beliefs. I had been taught to look for a Christian. Despite years of trying to find a nice, Christian boy, I couldn't seem to scrounge one up. And then a nice, Jewish boy came into my life instead. I was perplexed! He was NOT what I was looking for, and yet, almost immediately, he was exactly what I needed. I kept praying, assuming that God must have this one wrong, that the Spirit would lead me to the conclusion that a Jewish man was not the right thing for me.
But The Spirit did not answer the way I expected.
1 Corinthians 2:10-13 (The Message)
The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. Who ever knows what you’re thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that he not only knows what he’s thinking, but he lets us in on it. God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that he is giving us. We don’t have to rely on the world’s guesses and opinions.
As I prayed, as I "checked in" with God on this confusing matter of falling in love with a Jewish man, I never felt it was wrong. I didn't see a "Warning" sign, there were no "Red Flags" or "Danger Ahead" spiritual billboards. It seemed more like there was an unexpected, open door in front of me. There was a lot of unknown through that door, and in my humanity I worried that this path would be harder than I wanted it to be. But you know, when God calls you, when you feel that tug of the Holy Spirit to step out in faith, it's nearly impossible to ignore it.
The fear of missing out (FOMO) on what God had ordained for my life, the plan that was BIGGER than my tiny expectations, made me press forward towards that door, into the glorious beyond. But these steps, into a future, most unexpected are not always easy, and this is when I need the Holy Spirit to pour into my life, to help me "dive into the depths."
So I surrender. I make myself available to the guidance of the Spirit and I hold fast to the promise of God's plan being woven through my faith in Him.
The Holy Spirit drives Christians to make unexpected choices, to live outside the box, and to take gigantic leaps of faith, even when everyone else thinks we're nuts. It is complicated and perfectly simple. It is what makes us BELIEVERS.
We Believe - Newsboys
L
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Loss
I work with loss every day.
I am currently a Palliative Care Therapist on a Palliative Medicine team. Most people have no idea what that is, so I'll explain;
Palliative Care (pronounced pal-lee-uh-tiv) is specialized medical care for people with serious illnesses. It focuses on providing patients with relief from the symptoms and stress of a serious illness. The goal is to improve quality of life for both the patient and the family.
So every day I meet people at a touchpoint where they are in the spectrum of illness, and partner with them to help navigate the emotional land mines that serious illness amplifies. Sometimes I work directly with patients, sometimes I spend the majority of my time with their family members. But I am always working with people for whom, the stakes have never been higher and the fear of loss has never been greater.
Loss.
I meet with people at a severe moment of need, and give them space and the permission, to process their feelings about what lies ahead. The pain they endure, the things they may have to change, the home they may have to leave, the family they have to rely on, the indignities they have to bear. They are dealing with loss; over and over again. Illness can chip away at what once was whole, and often leaves people in pieces.
I've held the hands of 90-year-olds, teared up with 70-year-olds, prayed with 50-year-olds and laughed with 30 year-olds. Each of them facing loss. I have heard, and carried their stories, advocated for their needs and tried to help "fix" as much as I can before they move on to the next part of their journey. Sometimes they are returning to their own home where everything is familiar, sometimes it's a nursing home where nothing is familiar, and sometimes it's hospice, where they will stretch beyond their fragile mortality to touch the other side.
Certainly people hear what I do, and wonder how I can work with people who are dying every day and not break into a million pieces...
The truth?
I've been broken before. And I was restored. I was abundantly restored! And then, because God knows exactly how to put us back together, he gave me the gift of this job. He gave it to me, at this time in my life, when He knew I could handle it. He allows me to walk alongside people who are breaking, and be safe haven for that brokenness. Daily; this work amplifies opportunities for me to remember where I have come from and help me see where I need to go.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (The Message)
All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.
And despite the fact that I bear witness to the visceral pain of profound loss almost every day, I am not numb to it. When pain touches, (even briefly) my own life, I am silenced by the vibrant fragility of our lives and the searing reality of loss.
An old friend of mine passed away yesterday.
Suddenly, the experience of loss, previously at a safe-distance, is reaching into my life and reminding me that tomorrow has not been promised. That THIS DAY is GIVEN and we are wise to live every last second out of it. Are you living every last second out of your days? Are you humbled by the supreme gift of another day?
Umm... Yes?
Yeah, so even though I work with death every day, even though I have literally been in the room when someone transcended their humanness, I still expect tomorrow to come.
And that's the human condition. We always think we have more time! One more day, one more moment. Even people who are dying are caught off guard by the stealth way death walks in. So what has my work with death taught me? What has loss taught me?
Try to be thankful.
Try to be mindful.
Try to do better.
I am currently a Palliative Care Therapist on a Palliative Medicine team. Most people have no idea what that is, so I'll explain;
Palliative Care (pronounced pal-lee-uh-tiv) is specialized medical care for people with serious illnesses. It focuses on providing patients with relief from the symptoms and stress of a serious illness. The goal is to improve quality of life for both the patient and the family.
So every day I meet people at a touchpoint where they are in the spectrum of illness, and partner with them to help navigate the emotional land mines that serious illness amplifies. Sometimes I work directly with patients, sometimes I spend the majority of my time with their family members. But I am always working with people for whom, the stakes have never been higher and the fear of loss has never been greater.
Loss.
I meet with people at a severe moment of need, and give them space and the permission, to process their feelings about what lies ahead. The pain they endure, the things they may have to change, the home they may have to leave, the family they have to rely on, the indignities they have to bear. They are dealing with loss; over and over again. Illness can chip away at what once was whole, and often leaves people in pieces.
I've held the hands of 90-year-olds, teared up with 70-year-olds, prayed with 50-year-olds and laughed with 30 year-olds. Each of them facing loss. I have heard, and carried their stories, advocated for their needs and tried to help "fix" as much as I can before they move on to the next part of their journey. Sometimes they are returning to their own home where everything is familiar, sometimes it's a nursing home where nothing is familiar, and sometimes it's hospice, where they will stretch beyond their fragile mortality to touch the other side.
Certainly people hear what I do, and wonder how I can work with people who are dying every day and not break into a million pieces...
The truth?
I've been broken before. And I was restored. I was abundantly restored! And then, because God knows exactly how to put us back together, he gave me the gift of this job. He gave it to me, at this time in my life, when He knew I could handle it. He allows me to walk alongside people who are breaking, and be safe haven for that brokenness. Daily; this work amplifies opportunities for me to remember where I have come from and help me see where I need to go.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (The Message)
All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.
And despite the fact that I bear witness to the visceral pain of profound loss almost every day, I am not numb to it. When pain touches, (even briefly) my own life, I am silenced by the vibrant fragility of our lives and the searing reality of loss.
An old friend of mine passed away yesterday.
Suddenly, the experience of loss, previously at a safe-distance, is reaching into my life and reminding me that tomorrow has not been promised. That THIS DAY is GIVEN and we are wise to live every last second out of it. Are you living every last second out of your days? Are you humbled by the supreme gift of another day?
Umm... Yes?
Yeah, so even though I work with death every day, even though I have literally been in the room when someone transcended their humanness, I still expect tomorrow to come.
And that's the human condition. We always think we have more time! One more day, one more moment. Even people who are dying are caught off guard by the stealth way death walks in. So what has my work with death taught me? What has loss taught me?
Try to be thankful.
Try to be mindful.
Try to do better.
"Love like I'm not scared.
Give when it's not fair.
Live life for another.
Take time for a brother.
Fight for the weak ones.
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle.
Stand tall, but above it all,
Fix my eyes on YOU
On YOU."
Loss.
It can sneak up on you.
Better live BIG right now.
Rest in Abundant & Heavenly Peace, Becky.
L
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Mom
I'm not a mother.
Now that my greatest dream has come true, and I have found the most wonderful man to share my life with, the next goal in my life is to become a mom.
It's shocking reallly.
When you spend your 20's being single and totally self-absorbed, it is not uncommon to have a hard time picturing children in your life. Your life is all about you. Taking care of you, doing the things YOU like, spending your time YOUR way. It was really hard for me to think seriously about being a parent someday. And that's ok! How can you expect someone who is doing their best just to survive, someone who is paying their dues with horrible dates, someone who is broken by not meeting Mr. Right, to think about being a parent?
That's just crazy.
One day, a couple years ago I was at my parent's church when an evangelist was there. I know he meant well, but his whole sermon was about how young people are delaying marriage for their own purposes, delaying children and potentially eliminating the grandparent generation.
I was SO upset by his comments, I left the service. (the ONLY time I have ever walked out of a church service). I was SO mad that this man was assuming that I was delaying marriage and my happily ever after, on purpose. It broke me that there were people who loved GOD who thought I would delay marriage and children on purpose! I thought I was ready for marriage and children long ago, so being accused of delaying that step in my life on purpose got under my skin in a way that I clearly can't forget.
God! I wanted to be married LONG ago - but you made me wait. Because it was your GOOD, and PERFECT plan for me. Not because I wanted to, but because God knows more than me.
And thank goodness he does!
If you had asked me even three years ago if I wanted children, I would have looked at you with a semi-blank stare. It was almost impossible for me to picture kids, when I couldn't picture happily-ever-after. But along with the love of my life, came something remarkable - the desire, and prayerful wish, to have a child.
Think about the journey it takes to decide to have a child.
Sure, lots of people have kids without thinking too much about it. But when you go through trials like I did, and look to the Heavens wondering if God will help you stay alive, it's REALLY hard to imagine that he will bestow the desire to be a parent within your heart.
Since getting married, the desire to be a Mom has grown so much stronger! Sure, my 33-year-old biological clock also factors in to those desires, but more than that, I am struck by the opportunity to bring life into the world, honor God with that gift, and stay open to HIS perfect will for our lives.
Again - it won't be easy for me. Marrying my lovely Jewish husband put a significant challenge in my life with respect to raising our children. But I married a man who admires my PASSION for my faith and trusts (as he should) that I will never undermine his belief system. I married a man who is always trying to understand my ABUNDANT faith in God, and at the very least, always respects it.
Ok. I've only been married for 6 weeks. But as I look to my future, I trust GOD's perfect plan. When I tried to figure it out on my own I ended up with a broken heart and weary spirit. I'm done trying to predict what God has for me, I'm done listening to other people. This conversation about new life belongs in my FATHER's hands and mine and my husband's hearts. And that's enough.
Proverbs 16:9 - The Message
We plan the way we want to live
But only GOD makes us able to live it.
L
Now that my greatest dream has come true, and I have found the most wonderful man to share my life with, the next goal in my life is to become a mom.
It's shocking reallly.
When you spend your 20's being single and totally self-absorbed, it is not uncommon to have a hard time picturing children in your life. Your life is all about you. Taking care of you, doing the things YOU like, spending your time YOUR way. It was really hard for me to think seriously about being a parent someday. And that's ok! How can you expect someone who is doing their best just to survive, someone who is paying their dues with horrible dates, someone who is broken by not meeting Mr. Right, to think about being a parent?
That's just crazy.
One day, a couple years ago I was at my parent's church when an evangelist was there. I know he meant well, but his whole sermon was about how young people are delaying marriage for their own purposes, delaying children and potentially eliminating the grandparent generation.
I was SO upset by his comments, I left the service. (the ONLY time I have ever walked out of a church service). I was SO mad that this man was assuming that I was delaying marriage and my happily ever after, on purpose. It broke me that there were people who loved GOD who thought I would delay marriage and children on purpose! I thought I was ready for marriage and children long ago, so being accused of delaying that step in my life on purpose got under my skin in a way that I clearly can't forget.
God! I wanted to be married LONG ago - but you made me wait. Because it was your GOOD, and PERFECT plan for me. Not because I wanted to, but because God knows more than me.
And thank goodness he does!
If you had asked me even three years ago if I wanted children, I would have looked at you with a semi-blank stare. It was almost impossible for me to picture kids, when I couldn't picture happily-ever-after. But along with the love of my life, came something remarkable - the desire, and prayerful wish, to have a child.
Think about the journey it takes to decide to have a child.
Sure, lots of people have kids without thinking too much about it. But when you go through trials like I did, and look to the Heavens wondering if God will help you stay alive, it's REALLY hard to imagine that he will bestow the desire to be a parent within your heart.
Since getting married, the desire to be a Mom has grown so much stronger! Sure, my 33-year-old biological clock also factors in to those desires, but more than that, I am struck by the opportunity to bring life into the world, honor God with that gift, and stay open to HIS perfect will for our lives.
Again - it won't be easy for me. Marrying my lovely Jewish husband put a significant challenge in my life with respect to raising our children. But I married a man who admires my PASSION for my faith and trusts (as he should) that I will never undermine his belief system. I married a man who is always trying to understand my ABUNDANT faith in God, and at the very least, always respects it.
Ok. I've only been married for 6 weeks. But as I look to my future, I trust GOD's perfect plan. When I tried to figure it out on my own I ended up with a broken heart and weary spirit. I'm done trying to predict what God has for me, I'm done listening to other people. This conversation about new life belongs in my FATHER's hands and mine and my husband's hearts. And that's enough.
Proverbs 16:9 - The Message
We plan the way we want to live
But only GOD makes us able to live it.
L
Friday, August 1, 2014
Lucky One
I'm getting married.
Those three words amaze me. If it were not for the ring on my finger and the incredible love in my heart it might be impossible for me to believe.
I am someone who has hoped and prayed for the gift of marriage for almost as long as I can remember. I faithfully and carefully guarded my heart believing that love would come on my approximate timetable. I am someone who went to, and watched countless unions and weddings of friends and started to feel left behind. I am someone who had my heart broken. I am someone who lost herself, spiraled out and hit bottom. I am someone who was once so bitter, angry and depressed I thought love would never find me.
And I'm getting married!
In a 10 year period of trying to find myself, and sometimes losing track of my faith I became so beat up I almost stopped trying to seek Him first. And then, after years of trying to write and not having a voice, words quite suddenly came back to me. I started writing a blog. I aired out my secrets and burdens and stopped letting them have so much power. And as I sorted through the experiences, hurts and feelings from my past, I turned to God's word to help me articulate my heart. And when I reached for God's word, He grabbed hold of my heart, and gave me peace. And then I met someone.
In the months, now years that have followed since meeting that someone, MY someone, it has been easy to be distracted. Falling in love does that - it kind of takes over. I fell in love fast and I have found myself in a whole new kind of all-consuming tailspin. No longer depressed, I got caught in a stunning wave of personal happiness. But I admit to getting carried away by Eros, or romantic love and not spending enough time working on my foundational relationship with my heavenly Father. I have work to do there!
He has always remained part of my life. He was there in the early days, after a date, or when I was trying so hard to understand why men are so crazy sometimes. He was there when I fell in love, and when worried that it might be too hard trying to make an inter-faith relationship work. He reminded me of my personal strength, and the strength of some incredible women I have known in the church who have loved the Lord and loved their husbands despite not sharing the same beliefs with them. He assured me over and over that THIS love, THIS man, was the one I would need. He was there when that man, the one I never expected to find, got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. HE was there in the moments that followed when I prayed with my new fiance over our marriage and life together. HE was there. HE is always there.
"His power abounds when a heart seeks His will over it's own."
My plan for the man I would marry was very different than the plan God has been laying out. It is harder. It is less popular with some of my Christian friends. It changes how my future will look. But I believe it is God's will. So, since this path will be different than the one I planned, it's a good thing God has been preparing me for a more challenging course all along.
I have a new love I searched a lifetime for, and an enduring love that has always known me. It's overwhelming and brilliant, more than I ever expected! There is a whole new life that awaits me!
I'm getting married!
Isaiah 30:18 MSG
But God’s not finished. He’s waiting around to be gracious to you.
He’s gathering strength to show mercy to you.
God takes the time to do everything right—everything.
Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones.
The Day Before You
L
Those three words amaze me. If it were not for the ring on my finger and the incredible love in my heart it might be impossible for me to believe.
I am someone who has hoped and prayed for the gift of marriage for almost as long as I can remember. I faithfully and carefully guarded my heart believing that love would come on my approximate timetable. I am someone who went to, and watched countless unions and weddings of friends and started to feel left behind. I am someone who had my heart broken. I am someone who lost herself, spiraled out and hit bottom. I am someone who was once so bitter, angry and depressed I thought love would never find me.
And I'm getting married!
In a 10 year period of trying to find myself, and sometimes losing track of my faith I became so beat up I almost stopped trying to seek Him first. And then, after years of trying to write and not having a voice, words quite suddenly came back to me. I started writing a blog. I aired out my secrets and burdens and stopped letting them have so much power. And as I sorted through the experiences, hurts and feelings from my past, I turned to God's word to help me articulate my heart. And when I reached for God's word, He grabbed hold of my heart, and gave me peace. And then I met someone.
In the months, now years that have followed since meeting that someone, MY someone, it has been easy to be distracted. Falling in love does that - it kind of takes over. I fell in love fast and I have found myself in a whole new kind of all-consuming tailspin. No longer depressed, I got caught in a stunning wave of personal happiness. But I admit to getting carried away by Eros, or romantic love and not spending enough time working on my foundational relationship with my heavenly Father. I have work to do there!
He has always remained part of my life. He was there in the early days, after a date, or when I was trying so hard to understand why men are so crazy sometimes. He was there when I fell in love, and when worried that it might be too hard trying to make an inter-faith relationship work. He reminded me of my personal strength, and the strength of some incredible women I have known in the church who have loved the Lord and loved their husbands despite not sharing the same beliefs with them. He assured me over and over that THIS love, THIS man, was the one I would need. He was there when that man, the one I never expected to find, got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. HE was there in the moments that followed when I prayed with my new fiance over our marriage and life together. HE was there. HE is always there.
"His power abounds when a heart seeks His will over it's own."
My plan for the man I would marry was very different than the plan God has been laying out. It is harder. It is less popular with some of my Christian friends. It changes how my future will look. But I believe it is God's will. So, since this path will be different than the one I planned, it's a good thing God has been preparing me for a more challenging course all along.
I have a new love I searched a lifetime for, and an enduring love that has always known me. It's overwhelming and brilliant, more than I ever expected! There is a whole new life that awaits me!
I'm getting married!
Isaiah 30:18 MSG
But God’s not finished. He’s waiting around to be gracious to you.
He’s gathering strength to show mercy to you.
God takes the time to do everything right—everything.
Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones.
The Day Before You
L
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Great Expectations
Sure, it has been awhile, but I have been doing some life-learn'n in my absence from the blogging world, and a plan to return to this space has been expanding more and more over the last few months. So I am back, and I have some explaining to do.
When last we left this blog I was wrapping up some of my story, my explanation for who I am today despite a number of personal trials. I was literally just about to start digging into my greatest and most raw feelings. Feelings about being single at the age of 30 and how I was ridiculously mad at God for that unplanned reality in my life. I was overflowing with anger, frustration, confusion and even desperation about this situation that I cannot really control. I was ready to start unpacking those feelings and willing to let my friends see all those unpleasant details.
And then something unexpected happened.
I met someone. A friend at work had heard me complain about my singleness and offered a possible introduction to some single men she knew. Make no mistake, my frustration with being "left behind" when it came to my deepest desire; to find a companion and partner for life, came out in regular discussion. These feelings were so pervasive, they were practically unavoidable to those around me. Which admittedly probably made me sucktastic company at times. In an effort to help me out, my coworker arranged to have me go to a game night with herself, her partner and his many single friends. My expectations were moderate. While I had been told that there would be several single men at game night, everything about my past experience told me not to get my hopes up. But I brought my "A" game. I worked the outfit, the hair, the makeup, whatever external control I could enact. And then, I prayed. Unfortunately, it may have been more of an afterthought than it should have been. But on the drive, to Northern Virginia, all dressed up, I prayed that God would direct my interactions, give me hope, and guidance.
Years ago, when I was moaning about being single, my mother recommended I make a list of what I want in a man; in a life partner, so that when I am out in the world looking for him I would know what I am looking for and how to recognize it. The highlights of the list included finding a "Mighty Man of God" (more on that in a minute),someone tall, educated, and able to "keep up". I had a series of 3 men I dated who simply could not keep up with the language I use, the way I use language, and my never-ending infantry of sarcasm. These three short but educational relationships taught me that no matter what, I had to find a partner who could give and good as he gets, who knows what "indigenous" means and that the Harbor Tunnel does actually go underwater, not over it. The tall thing is easy to understand because I am 5"11 and a little on the curvy side, so I wanted a man who was "bigger" than me. And the need for a "Mighty Man of God" was conceptualized when I was 16 years old, when I deduced that men who are mighty in the Lord are relationship leaders, prayer warriors, and strength bearers.
Great Expectations.
You know what? Sometimes God does not give you what you want. He gives you what you need. And then, remarkably sometimes those are actually the same thing. The man I met at that game night is not what I was looking for. He is shorter and thinner than me, and, brace yourselves; Jewish. The night I met him I was pretty certain he would not be interested in me anyway. But it turns out, he has been exactly what I needed. I'm not in the mood for predicting the outcome of our relationship, but what I am completely certain of is that this person is absolutely, without question, in my life for a reason. I am happy, hopeful, and feel completely safe.
This does not mean I have not had a chat or two with God about why in the world he has laid this path before me, or what he is going for here, but who am I to let my expectations get in the way?
I met with a patient today, who donated a kidney to a stranger. She had planned to donate to someone she knew, but that person passed away unexpectedly before she could receive the kidney. My patient said once she spoke with God about donating her kidney, she felt a peace about the experience and started to feel that her kidney was not really hers anymore. So when the planned recipient passed away, doctors were worried my patient would decide not to donate anymore. My patient donated anyway. She told me that while she had expected one outcome, she was certain that God's plan for her kidney was sovereign, and she never questioned that God knew what he was doing, and that he would use her kidney for His plan.
I expect great things from God - but I have to be willing to adjust those expectations, because sometimes, His plan is beyond our understanding.
Ephesians 1:11-12
In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.
So I put my hope in Christ. I revel in what joy he has brought into my life after many years of sadness and desperation. I look to Him to help me with the details, and I keep my expectations GREAT, because my Father always has a plan.
L
When last we left this blog I was wrapping up some of my story, my explanation for who I am today despite a number of personal trials. I was literally just about to start digging into my greatest and most raw feelings. Feelings about being single at the age of 30 and how I was ridiculously mad at God for that unplanned reality in my life. I was overflowing with anger, frustration, confusion and even desperation about this situation that I cannot really control. I was ready to start unpacking those feelings and willing to let my friends see all those unpleasant details.
And then something unexpected happened.
I met someone. A friend at work had heard me complain about my singleness and offered a possible introduction to some single men she knew. Make no mistake, my frustration with being "left behind" when it came to my deepest desire; to find a companion and partner for life, came out in regular discussion. These feelings were so pervasive, they were practically unavoidable to those around me. Which admittedly probably made me sucktastic company at times. In an effort to help me out, my coworker arranged to have me go to a game night with herself, her partner and his many single friends. My expectations were moderate. While I had been told that there would be several single men at game night, everything about my past experience told me not to get my hopes up. But I brought my "A" game. I worked the outfit, the hair, the makeup, whatever external control I could enact. And then, I prayed. Unfortunately, it may have been more of an afterthought than it should have been. But on the drive, to Northern Virginia, all dressed up, I prayed that God would direct my interactions, give me hope, and guidance.
Years ago, when I was moaning about being single, my mother recommended I make a list of what I want in a man; in a life partner, so that when I am out in the world looking for him I would know what I am looking for and how to recognize it. The highlights of the list included finding a "Mighty Man of God" (more on that in a minute),someone tall, educated, and able to "keep up". I had a series of 3 men I dated who simply could not keep up with the language I use, the way I use language, and my never-ending infantry of sarcasm. These three short but educational relationships taught me that no matter what, I had to find a partner who could give and good as he gets, who knows what "indigenous" means and that the Harbor Tunnel does actually go underwater, not over it. The tall thing is easy to understand because I am 5"11 and a little on the curvy side, so I wanted a man who was "bigger" than me. And the need for a "Mighty Man of God" was conceptualized when I was 16 years old, when I deduced that men who are mighty in the Lord are relationship leaders, prayer warriors, and strength bearers.
Great Expectations.
You know what? Sometimes God does not give you what you want. He gives you what you need. And then, remarkably sometimes those are actually the same thing. The man I met at that game night is not what I was looking for. He is shorter and thinner than me, and, brace yourselves; Jewish. The night I met him I was pretty certain he would not be interested in me anyway. But it turns out, he has been exactly what I needed. I'm not in the mood for predicting the outcome of our relationship, but what I am completely certain of is that this person is absolutely, without question, in my life for a reason. I am happy, hopeful, and feel completely safe.
This does not mean I have not had a chat or two with God about why in the world he has laid this path before me, or what he is going for here, but who am I to let my expectations get in the way?
I met with a patient today, who donated a kidney to a stranger. She had planned to donate to someone she knew, but that person passed away unexpectedly before she could receive the kidney. My patient said once she spoke with God about donating her kidney, she felt a peace about the experience and started to feel that her kidney was not really hers anymore. So when the planned recipient passed away, doctors were worried my patient would decide not to donate anymore. My patient donated anyway. She told me that while she had expected one outcome, she was certain that God's plan for her kidney was sovereign, and she never questioned that God knew what he was doing, and that he would use her kidney for His plan.
I expect great things from God - but I have to be willing to adjust those expectations, because sometimes, His plan is beyond our understanding.
Ephesians 1:11-12
In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.
So I put my hope in Christ. I revel in what joy he has brought into my life after many years of sadness and desperation. I look to Him to help me with the details, and I keep my expectations GREAT, because my Father always has a plan.
L
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