Now that my greatest dream has come true, and I have found the most wonderful man to share my life with, the next goal in my life is to become a mom.
It's shocking reallly.
When you spend your 20's being single and totally self-absorbed, it is not uncommon to have a hard time picturing children in your life. Your life is all about you. Taking care of you, doing the things YOU like, spending your time YOUR way. It was really hard for me to think seriously about being a parent someday. And that's ok! How can you expect someone who is doing their best just to survive, someone who is paying their dues with horrible dates, someone who is broken by not meeting Mr. Right, to think about being a parent?
That's just crazy.
One day, a couple years ago I was at my parent's church when an evangelist was there. I know he meant well, but his whole sermon was about how young people are delaying marriage for their own purposes, delaying children and potentially eliminating the grandparent generation.
I was SO upset by his comments, I left the service. (the ONLY time I have ever walked out of a church service). I was SO mad that this man was assuming that I was delaying marriage and my happily ever after, on purpose. It broke me that there were people who loved GOD who thought I would delay marriage and children on purpose! I thought I was ready for marriage and children long ago, so being accused of delaying that step in my life on purpose got under my skin in a way that I clearly can't forget.
God! I wanted to be married LONG ago - but you made me wait. Because it was your GOOD, and PERFECT plan for me. Not because I wanted to, but because God knows more than me.
And thank goodness he does!
If you had asked me even three years ago if I wanted children, I would have looked at you with a semi-blank stare. It was almost impossible for me to picture kids, when I couldn't picture happily-ever-after. But along with the love of my life, came something remarkable - the desire, and prayerful wish, to have a child.
Think about the journey it takes to decide to have a child.
Sure, lots of people have kids without thinking too much about it. But when you go through trials like I did, and look to the Heavens wondering if God will help you stay alive, it's REALLY hard to imagine that he will bestow the desire to be a parent within your heart.
Since getting married, the desire to be a Mom has grown so much stronger! Sure, my 33-year-old biological clock also factors in to those desires, but more than that, I am struck by the opportunity to bring life into the world, honor God with that gift, and stay open to HIS perfect will for our lives.
Again - it won't be easy for me. Marrying my lovely Jewish husband put a significant challenge in my life with respect to raising our children. But I married a man who admires my PASSION for my faith and trusts (as he should) that I will never undermine his belief system. I married a man who is always trying to understand my ABUNDANT faith in God, and at the very least, always respects it.
Ok. I've only been married for 6 weeks. But as I look to my future, I trust GOD's perfect plan. When I tried to figure it out on my own I ended up with a broken heart and weary spirit. I'm done trying to predict what God has for me, I'm done listening to other people. This conversation about new life belongs in my FATHER's hands and mine and my husband's hearts. And that's enough.
Proverbs 16:9 - The Message
We plan the way we want to live
But only GOD makes us able to live it.
L
